#testingbutchface (reviews)

latest in beauty review

I’m torn on the concept of subscription boxes. On one hand, presents for me? Fuck yeah! On the other, how much gold to shit ratio are we talking? And why does every subscription box come with a generic black mascara and a fruit scented handcream?

However, I am totally in love with the Latest In Beauty subscription box. I pick the Beauty Guru monthly box, mainly because the idea of me being in any way referred to as a Beauty Guru makes me smirk. It’s £18.00 for nine products and the best thing is that you pick the products! You could have, like, nine generic black mascaras if you wanted! Continue reading “latest in beauty review”

#testingbutchface (reviews)

april 2017 – empties

A quick round up of products I finished in April 2017! Clockwise from the top…
Skin Food rice mask – oh, so basic. Physical exfoliants, how very 1995. *rolls eyes* But I liked it a lot!

Repurchase? Fuck yeah 

Sephora Supreme Cleansing Oil – FINALLY. IT’S OVER. I bought this during a trip to Paris, in a frenzy of excitement. It doesn’t emulsify, it stings and it made my face sad. I used it in the shower on my magnificent body and it is finally finished.

Repurchase? I’m dumb, I’m not that dumb. Naw.

Banila Clean It Zero, Biore 2015 sunscreen, Cosrx Hyaluronic Acid Intensive Cream – omg such rare and undervalued products! But I love them. 

Repurchase – yas queen.

Sunday Riley Good Genes – I bought a sample of this because it’s so so spendy. And I’m glad I did because this fucker tore my face to shreds. Also, it smells like the underside of an eleven year old boy’s watch, or the butt of a nurse after a double shift in the emergency unit. I actually woke up in the night wondering if Death had come for me because the stench was so bad. Very bad no good (for me).

Repurchase – there are cheaper ways to self harm

Liz Earle exfoliator – yeah, I was trying to get through some old products. It’s fine. *shrug*

Repurchase – tbh, I’m not even sure I bought this. Where did it come from? Did Liz sneak it in herself? 

Peter Thomas Roth masks – oh my god, I have such a love for PTR. This month I finally used up the three Sephora minis. In order of adoration, from restraining order to mere obsession – rose stem cell bio repair mask, pumpkin enzyme mask, cucumber mask. The rose one is what I used to repair my screaming face after the Sunday Riley fiasco.

Repurchase? Sure. When I’m a millionaire. *cries quietly*

Oskia Radiance mask – dudes. This smells like Turkish Delight, no joke. It’s creamy and buttery and plumping and yes, I’d drink it in a smoothie.

Repurchase – fucking A yeah

Cosrx 96% snail mucin – another rare product, worthy of a 4,000 word review. Or, not. But yeah, this is one of the products I’d stockpile in case of a nuclear attack. Pretty sure it would sort my radiation burns no problem.

Repurchase – duh

L’Oreal Pure Clay Glow Mask – usually L’Oreal makes me roll my eyes but this actually delivers. Hypothetically, if I’d spent the night before drinking tequila in a bar and woken up in a stranger’s garden (not a euphemism), this would make me look like a human being instead of a pathetic waste of skin. But that’s hypothetical.

Repurchase? Yes and I’m not even ashamed. Well, I’m ashamed about the garden incident. Well, I’m not really. I should be. Anyway. Moving on!

#testingbutchface (reviews)

bring your money, leave your self-restraint

EDITED 15th May to put back the formatting, cheers WordPress, appreciate it.

Living in the UK isn’t a utopia, you know. Sure, we have the National Health Service, which provides free medical care to anyone regardless of income. Yeah, we gave the world a couple of cool people like Shakespeare and this Northern band called the Beatles. Oh, true, while we may not all love our robotic overlord Prime Minster, we aren’t run by a terrifying screaming Cheeto who thought the Handmaid’s Tale was full of great, really good, superb ideas.

flags

But really, it’s hard sometimes. For example, when I want to spend my money on frivolous gloop to smear on my face skin, I… I… I sometimes have to get on a bus.

Sometimes I have to change buses.

virgin

The struggle is real, fam.

Continue reading “bring your money, leave your self-restraint”

#testingbutchface (reviews)

how i hair (part one)

Let me tell you. If I ever hear the phrase, “your hair is so short, it must be so easy to style!!!11” ONE MORE TIME… innocent people will suffer.

No, my hair is not fucking easy to style.

Do you think anything about this (points dramatically to self) is easy?? HAHAHAH. 

But! I love my hair so much. When it’s good, it’s. So. Fucking. Good. I used to have long hair up until 2-3 years ago (story behind that another time!) and I looked like a middle aged geography substitute teacher. Hey kids, wanna buy some drugs?

So I don’t mind working at it. Cos when it’s good, freshly cut and kinda quiffy I feel like a boss. 

Example of good hair

Example of bad hair and also bad brows, fixed now!

How do I achieve this apparently effortless mess? Let me tell you.

1. Getting it cut all. The. Fucking. Time. Luckily my best friend, the Magnificent Femme manages most of my life, including making my hair appointments and also ensuring I arrive more or less on time. I am so pathetically grateful for this, you have no idea.

2. Get a really fucking good barber. I’ve just moved to Cut Throat London and they are the boss. I have no worries that I’ll walk out with something dreadful like a… pixie cut (shudder).

3. Get used to using a lot of product. Get used to buying shit and it not working and you screaming into your fist in the bathroom. And once you find your products, lock that shit down. Do not mess with a good line up. Speaking of…

Don’t be silly, I don’t use all these at once! Haha. Silly. Just four at a time. Ahem. Yeah, I do have back pain. 

Next I’ll take you through the line up and why I’ll never change of any of these products. 

Stay swaggy.

#testingbutchface (reviews)

wash your dirty fucking face

You know when a picture speaks a thousand words? Well, this is what I want to show people when they tell me double cleansing is overkill or, “micellar water is as good as anything else!”.

The left hand cotton pad was used to clean the left side of my face after a typical London day. I used micellar water.

The right hand pad is the same face, same day, but with Banila Co Clean It Zero balm and a foaming cleanser.

I don’t wear make up.

I hadn’t been running.

Just a normal day around London.