Ah, internet. A constant source of amusement and rage. I was scrolling through Instagram today and saw something that instantly made me get very. fucking. shrill.
I cannot believe people are still releasing tutorials on how to bind your chest with Ace bandages or, and I pause for you to wince, duct tape.
Are you kids trying to kill me?
As Tyra Banks once said, when my grandmother yells like this it’s because she loves me.
First off, I feel you. For whatever reason, you want your chest to be flatter and that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re trans. I gotcha.
But I cannot express enough how bad an idea binding with Ace bandages or duct tape is. Let me paint you a picture.
You’re in work or school, feeling good, looking sharp. The bandages are kinda tight but that’s how it works right? You can’t eat very much or drink much but that’s also more than fine.
Then you have to run to catch a door before it closes. After climbing stairs. And fuck, isn’t it hot today? It’s fine, just catch your breath.
Except you can’t because if you use bandages, the only way they work is to CONSTRICT YOUR LUNGS. As soon as you can’t take that first breath, your body starts to panic, creating a vicious cycle which ends up with you passing out on the floor in public.
Do you know some people piss themselves when they faint? Do you want to be the person who finds that out in public?
Oh, don’t worry, people around will help! They’re going to loosen your clothing and try to help your airflow and… what the fuck is that, Carol? Is that… duct tape? Shit. What a weirdo. Fuck, is that piss?
Honestly, that’s not even the worse case scenario. If you move too fast then there is a real chance your bindings are going to just… snap loose. Boom. Hello Titty City.
I’m not trying to be mean but I know that telling you homemade bindings are bad for you won’t work. Loads of things that are necessary to survive are bad for you when you’re queer and maybe young or maybe poor.
So I won’t tell you about the cracked ribs or the permenant spinal issues. I’m just going to leave you with the picture of you, lying unconscious on the floor, covered in piss while fucking Carol stares at your chest.
There are loads of binder swap groups, but if you’re looking to buy here is my advice.
1. Don’t size down, you’ll kill yourself trying to get it off. In fact, I am shocked more people don’t die struggling to get a binder off or GOD FORBID, pull it on after a shower.
2. How to put this delicately. If you’re American or European, buy American or European. Those Chinese eBay bargains make great dolls clothes.
3. Don’t bind when it’s hot, don’t bind when you sleep, don’t bind when you exercise. Two of these run the risk of public pissing and dude, yah have to let your skin breathe sometimes so why not do it at night.
4. Hand wash them, don’t be lazy son
5. Set expectations. I cannot stress this enough. Dolly can’t be Shane. You have to be fine with that.
I can highly recommend gc2b.com. Nope, not cheap like those itchy eBay knockoffs but guaranteed not to cause uncontrollable public urinaton.
Don’t hurt yourself, is what I’m saying. Be good to yourself and the meat suit you have to wear. It’s hard, I know, but you can’t be awesome and do amazing things if you’re the dude who pissed themselves in church.